A Lifetime is Made up of Moments

“We can learn from the past, but we cannot change it. We can prepare for the future and influence it, but we cannot control it. Life is informed, somewhat, by past and future, but it’s lived now.

What’s important is your actions and your state of being in this moment, because this moment is all you have.

Just as you cannot control anybody outside yourself, you also cannot act on anything outside the present moment.

All it means that all that’s necessary for you to begin to live with more intention is to claim this one moment, right now, as your own.

You only have to live, choose, decide, be, in this one moment.”

I was reminded of this the other day when I was chatting to a mate while having a break and becoming increasingly frustrated over working on my van. He said to me, I quote “A wise man once said to me were f%^ked, time doesn’t matter!”

Several months ago I had said these exact words to him, being new to chronic illness and having a bad day of trying to do something that was taking him longer than it should have. After 20 years of ill health and injuries I developed a philosophy of time doesn’t matter. Its about enjoying what your doing and having a productive day.

I had spent 3 hours building batons for pantry shelving that should have taken 30 minutes.Crawling around on my backside like a dog with worms inside a cupboard space the size of a suit case not being able to breath well or bend my leg to turn around.

The whole job took me 4 hours, out of breath and not concentrating well to build my pantry. A whole other day to install a piece of timber, router out the bottom of the 90×45 with a drill and spade bits along with chisels. Having no router in order to have a working fridge. Just trying to figure out how to mount it in. The medications I’m on are causing more problems with my mind. Only two weeks left of the course.

He had repeated to me “Were f&*ked time doesn’t matter !” at just the right moment to remind me that I’m on disability WTF else will I be doing with my day. Drinking piss and watching bad free to air TV. So what if it takes me 4 hours to do a 30 minute job. The pain and the frustration melted away leaving me feeling productive.

The next day I lifted the banana boxes out of the pantry. I call it my banana box pantry as it has no doors and I contain everything with two banana boxes I can lift out when driving. Reached for the tin of coffee and made a cuppa with cold milk for the first time in my van and it felt like a home and not like I was roughing it as a homeless person slogging it out trying to build a van while living in it and tripping over boxes of food on the floor.

I sat outside in the sun on my folding chair and for the first time felt at peace since my staffy passed away. The feeling only lasted for half of the cup of coffee before I had to get up and load firewood into the house. I still cant sit for very long, my mind stays busy all the time.

Several days later I had purchased a cheap 8×5 trailer that was in kit form. I asked the owner of the company if he needed a hand putting it together. Four hours of work later I hobbled out of there now knowing how to put a trailer together but barely being able to walk to the van. We finished it off the next day with the roofing frame work for the canvas. I thought Id finished threading wire through chassis rails after the van but it seemed not to be. I don’t think the owner understood. Many don’t, when your a workaholic and cant work you begin to enjoy what your doing with your hands again when money isn’t involved. You jump at any opportunity to work and do atleast something with your day.

my banana box pantry